Hi SisterX,
I have spoken to many people who have left the JWs over the last few years and I'd say a majority of these people go through something like you are going through now.
It's very natural to have those kind of feelings.
You have received some good advice here, and most of it has a common denominator - start doing new things to fill the void. As has been mentioned the possibilities are endless - from simply reading some good books, to getting heavily involved in community activities.
Suffice to say - you will find your way eventually and you will find true happiness eventually if you keep moving forward. Drifting back, or trying to stay in for too long, knowing what you know about the true nature of the entire movement will eventually where you down.
Speaking from experience as an elder who continued to serve in that capacity for a few years after I discovered the entire thing was a sham - it can be challenging. My desire to help others achieve their awakening was the only thing that kept me going, and it became a great focus and source of energy for me. However, now that I have been able to fully extract myself from the group - it has been nothing short of remarkable how my life has improved.
Unless you are going back to free someone else's mind, and you feel it is the only way it can be done, then I would encourage you to continue staying away from the KH and to move on with your life. It is a wonderful world outside of the JW prison, you just need to persevere and continue to move forward.
Peace to you!
The Oracle
